I feel sad
I should be in bed getting a good night sleep to prepare for the hectic week ahead, but I am feeling sad right now. It is starting to feel quite real and this next week is going to be a rush of acquiring more kit, fundraising, press conference, leaving party etc..... I feel like there's too much to do and not enough time.
The reason I am feeling sad is because of my ferrets. The hardest thing for me is going to be leaving my 12 darling babies behind, knowing that if there is a problem mummy won't be there to kiss and cuddle them. You might think I'm crazy, but if you're an animal lover you'll understand. Two of them are unwell at the moment; Zac has kidney failure and Pebbles has suddenly lost the use of her back legs and can't go the loo properly. It is quite likely that Zac will not be alive when I return and Pebbles will probably have to be put to sleep next week if she doesn't improve. Just writing this is making me cry.
I am at my mum and dad's right now and am going to spend the day with them tomorrow, as it will be the last quality time I get to spend with them before we leave.
Things seem to be taking off with regards to PR now, which is encouraging. Have done a couple of phone interviews today and was being asked loads of questions about my depression and self-harm and how it used to make me feel. It was strange to drag out old memories that I hadn't visited for years- why would I want to think how I felt when I used to cut myself or how my depression might have affected my family and friends. I didn't expect it to bother me, but it has a little.
That's another reason why my ferrets are so special to me. When I was really depressed they honestly were my lifesavers. Mum said that if I ever did anything e.g. attempt suicide, then she would give my ferrets to the RSPCA. I know that she didn't really mean it, but when I couldn't handle any human affection, my ferrets were always there to lick away my tears and comfort me in the middle of the night when I felt so desperate and scared. God, this is probably the most depressing blog to date, but it is just how I am feeling right now.
Anyway, I hope it is a sunny day tomorrow so that I can take all of my clothes off and indulge my naturist tendencies in the back garden. Then mum and I will go to Waitrose to get Ants some vegetarian delights for her stay next week.
Now, I am going to go and have a fag and a cup of tea. Goodnight.